Redneck women dating

Conflicted feelings about my (F21) relationship with my boyfriend (M21)

2020.11.28 10:53 Brooklyn2806 Conflicted feelings about my (F21) relationship with my boyfriend (M21)

I've been dating my boyfriend for over two months. He's a great guy who I have a lot in common with. I'm someone who grew up for most of my life with no idea that I was autistic, and as a result grew up constantly confused about why other kids treated me differently or thought I was weird and I've basically grown up as a massive people pleaser who is afraid to do anything remotely awkward or weird around people or make other people feel any sort of slightly negative emotion because I just want people to like me. This was something I did struggle with when I was with my previous boyfriend, who I was with for over a year but never really got comfortable with. With my current boyfriend however, I actually do feel more comfortable with him than I've felt with anyone in my life. When I'm actually with him, I do feel happy and I look at him and just think "I love you", and I feel less stressed than usual.
When I'm not with him though, I don't miss him. I know he misses me because he tells me that many, many times throughout the week (we only see other on weekends because I work full-time and live in a different town). I don't miss him though, and often wish I could skip going to his house this weekend. When I'm not with him, I'm constantly conflicted over whether a relationship is something I actually even want right now and miss being single, but then when I am with him I just think, "You idiot, why would you even think about breaking up with this guy, he's great and has a lot in common with you and makes you happy."
With my ex-boyfriend, let's call him "Rowan", we both seemed really keen to spend a lot of time together at the beginning of the relationship, and then not long after the relationship started he only really wanted to hang out with me late at night a few times a week and then leave in the morning, leading Mum to tell me that I deserve more than being a booty call. I did really want to be spending a lot more time with him and for him to be a lot more emotionally available, but he didn't really seem to want the same thing. I realised this morning that I might be the Rowan of this relationship. When I first got together with my boyfriend I was really excited and wanted to talk to him and be with him as much as possible, and now only two months into the relationship I wait as late as possible before leaving to go to his house and leave his house as early as I can without seeming like I don't want to be there, even though he seems to want me there all the time. I don't miss him during the week but he misses me.
I should add that I've been going through a really busy period lately. I'm working full-time in an office environment that isn't really autism-friendly or even just introvert-friendly and so I'm mentally exhausted from being around people all the time, I've trying to get a bunch of assignments finished and I also need to try and make time to meal prep and do chores on the weekend, because when I don't do any chores I get anxious that my Mum is judging me and when I don't meal prep I end up ordering pizza every night and then feeling shit about myself, and now I've added a relationship to the pile of things in my life and now suddenly I have no time to breathe on weekends because I spend most of the weekend with him now. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I have been experiencing what could possibly be a lot of depressive thoughts lately. This adds to my confusion about what I want because I keep thinking that maybe the only reason I feel this way is because I'm feeling depressed, or it's becauss I'm busy and once I finish my assignments (which will be very soon) and have a lot more free time I won't feel this way about my relationship, but maybe I'm lying to myself when I tell myself that and maybe I'm just not happy in this relationship. Since the last time I saw my psychologist, I actually have been feeling a lot less depressive thoughts and have been content a lot more often, but I still feel conflicted about the relationship.
Another thing I should mention is that there's a particular city that I've been dreaming about moving to since I was 15 and lately I've been feeling more and more emotionally ready to make the move. I do have to sort some things out first but I'm thinking that I want to move late next year or 2022 at the latest. Whenever I picture myself moving to this city, I can only picture myself moving alone, not with anyone. I feel like I just want to move onto this new chapter of my life by myself, so maybe I shouldn't waste my time with relationships that I won't want to take with me. Also, I am bisexual but I live in a very redneck area so I've only ever had one experience with a woman. I'm not sure if this is shallow of me, maybe it is, because only having one experience with a woman or even no experience at all does not make me less bi, but I feel a little scared that if I find a guy I want to stay with, I'll never have another experience with a woman, but I really want to explore the side of my self that I've spent most of my life repressing or ignoring or not even being aware of. Honestly I feel like I might even like women more than men right now, I find myself noticing attractive women more often than men at the moment and when I imagine getting married in the future it's usually to a woman.
I don't know if this post made any sense, it ended up being mostly me rambling. I guess I'm just confused about how I feel and whether these feelings I'm having are valid in the circumstances I'm in. I guess I'm just wondering what other people think about this. Does it seem like I need to break up with him, or is there another explanation for why I don't miss him when he's gone but still love being with him?
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2020.10.26 17:57 kayjay2828 i can't get over her.

i (19F) can't seem to get over my abusive ex girlfriend (18F).
i met her a little over two years ago when i started out at a new high school. i was a senior and she was a junior. i kinda had a thing for her back then, but she had a girlfriend at the time so i didn't say anything. it wasn't until the summer of 2019, right after i graduated, that we started to talk about dating. she and her then-girlfriend broke up that july, and originally, i wasn't going to start dating her right away. i moved about half an hour south from where she lives because i had started college, and i didn't have a car at the time, plus her parents supposedly wouldn't be very supportive of our relationship (we're both lesbians, and she told me that her parents were homophobic and wouldn't let us see each other if they knew we were dating). we told each other that we would wait for one another until she started college in august of 2020.
that never ended up happening. i went to a friend from the area's birthday party, and another old friend picked me up from her house the next day and we met up with my now-ex girlfriend. we made things official that day.
she did a few things that kind of rubbed me the wrong way very early on (would frequently talk about marrying me only a few weeks into the relationship, was quite literally obsessed with me, was kind of possessive over me to the point that she would get jealous if i complimented celebrity women), but she was my first girlfriend, so i really didn't know that these were red flags. i just figured that she was scared of losing me, because she did tell me that she had abandonment issues.
things seemed relatively normal on the outside for the next few months of our relationship. i started a new job at the end of september 2019 (this will be relevant later), she and i talked every day, and i would see her on days that my dad let me take his car. i finally got the car to myself in january of this year, so we made a few sleepover plans throughout january and february. around this point, i found myself getting easily sick of her and easily annoyed by her, but i'm pretty seriously mentally ill, so i figured that she herself hadn't done anything wrong. i remember when she would sleep over, the only thing i'd want in the morning was for her to go home.
things started to get bad between us in late february of this year. my mental health collapsed. i ran out of energy, and unless it was in-person, i didn't talk to anybody. the only real exception was this discord group chat i was in with a few of my coworkers from that job i'd started in september, and for the sake of privacy, i'll call them carly (19F), hunter (21M), and leighann (22F). the chat was typically limited to work-specific conversation, but hunter is probably one of the funniest people i know, and he would joke around with carly, leighann, and i a lot.
i grew really close to them, but particularly leighann and hunter. especially hunter. on the outside, he and i seem like complete opposites. he comes from a relatively conservative family and kind of looks like a redneck, and i come from a liberal family and i look like somebody pulled me out of a hot topic ad from 2003. despite this, he and i have almost the exact same personality and have shared so many life experiences to the point it's kind of scary. i felt comfortable talking to him about problems i was having in my life, because he was able to give relevant advice. quickly, we became best friends.
my girlfriend did not like this, despite the fact that i'm a lesbian and i don't have any interest in men. she knows this. she has always known this. but she managed to find a way to get jealous, her reasoning being "he gets to see you all the time!" she didn't like that i would vent to him about my problems, but in reality, whenever i tried to vent to her, she would either speak over me or go and tell everybody else my problems.
whenever i tried to talk to her around this point in time, i just felt so drained and empty after trying to hold a conversation with her. it sucked. i wanted to love her, but i couldn't. despite feeling this way, no one knew what we were going through. i couldn't find the words to break up with her because i didn't want to hurt her by not doing it in person, but it would suck if i made the effort to drive half an hour out of my way just to break her heart. i was at a dead-end.
finally, i couldn't take it anymore and i broke down in front of hunter while we were on our break at work. i told him everything. i showed him the texts. and he was the very first person to tell me how toxic she was. i knew it in my heart, but i didn't want to admit it because i was scared. that fifteen minute break wound up turning into a forty-five minute break, we both got "yelled at" by our supervisor the next day, and this was the point that i realized that i wasn't in love with her anymore.
i was in an argument with her pretty much every single day after that. time and time again i would try to explain to her that i was trying as hard as i could, but i was legitimately in a depressive episode and didn't have the energy to do anything besides scroll through social media. it's worth mentioning at this point that i was pulling 40 hour weeks at my part-time retail job, and i was a full time art student. i was very mentally exhausted.
our arguments got more and more heated. she would always find new reasons to tell me that my issues were nothing compared to what she went through. she always told me about how abusive her parents were, so i would tell her that she needed to find a safe place to go. the worst thing she ever did to me, though, was use her self-harm against me. she brought it up in the middle of an argument with me and it broke me. i didn't feel comfortable venting to her anymore, but that made her upset, too. damned if i do, damned if i don't. if i vent to her, she makes me feel like shit about it because her life is so much worse. if i vent to hunter and/or leighann, she makes it out like i don't care what she has to say.
she finally broke up with me on march 10th of this year and i was beyond relieved. i told hunter that i felt like this huge weight had been lifted off my chest, and he told me that it was probably the biggest sign that the relationship was beyond unhealthy. despite this, i stayed friends with her for the next week. we rarely spoke, because it felt weird and unnatural because of how fresh the breakup was, but i didn't think that it was that big of a deal. after all, we weren't girlfriends anymore, so there was no obligation for communication.
things really decided to go to shit in my life on march 16th. hunter got really sick to the point he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. him being my best friend, i was naturally concerned with his health status rather than speaking to my ex girlfriend. this was also probably the most stressful day that i had ever worked in my life. it was the last day that my work at the time was open for retail, so customers were flocking to buy everything they could.
the next day, my ex sent me a mega paragraph telling me how big of a piece of shit i was for going one whole day (24 hours! whoaaa!) without speaking to her. she told me that she was cutting me off, but that if i finally realized the type of person that i was, i could text her again. she made sure to tell me how in love she was with me, blah blah blah, WHATEVER. she then went and told everybody that i cut her off. she even had the nerve to lie to my mother and tell her things i had said about her in confidence (my mother is emotionally abusive and i vented to my ex about it because i thought that i could trust her.)
my ex has found so many ways to try and come back into my life since she cut me off. she would routinely view my snapchat story, would send me friend requests on facebook and then immediately undsend them so that i would get notified, tried to get involved in hunter's life, and even had the nerve to message me on instagram and ask if we could be friends again. this all piled up on me because it all happened within like, a month.
i hate her. i feel bad saying it, but i do. and i'm not over her at all. i'll admit that i handled the situation poorly, and i should have communicated with her a little better when i was depressed, but dammit, i was trying. i never hurt her. i never wanted her to go through any amount of pain.
i don't know what to do. i don't know how to handle this feeling. i want to tell her off, but i know how she is. she'll just start more rumors about me and make my life a living hell. again. she knows too much about me.
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2020.10.24 06:58 KeepithiddenJ I can’t get over my ex... (need advice)

My first Reddit post I’ve been on here for a long time but just made an account to talk about this problem this is a long one so grab some popcorn and listen up.
This is something I need to be honest with myself about and it’s something that’s been haunting me for awhile I was friends with this one girl for awhile I’m going to call her C and me and C were friends for awhile I helped her get out of a bad place (a guy she liked was leading her on never went on a single date acted like he liked her and was only using her feelings as a joke he didn’t take feelings seriously) and she was the most beautiful women in my eyes and when we met in person for the first time we just kind of hit it off and on the 4th of July I asked her out and we decided to date!
Here’s were problems started to brew I live in the south and some southern families won’t like you if you aren’t hick and Im not hick or redneck or any part of country in me. Her family didn’t like that about me but overlooked it since I treated her right.Now then our families got along and my dad liked her a lot (my mom isn’t around she abused me and treated me like crap) C cared about me a lot tho and was very caring towards me in the beginning and we seemed to get along great and the sex was phenomenal when your inlove with someone it just makes it 10x better and I was inlove with her.
But then trust issues became an issue (she went behind my back and started romantically texting a dude) around my birthday so now I started having trust issues with her but I took her back since I understood we are young and make mistakes and I wasn’t giving her enough attention I was drifting away from her but that still didn’t excuse her actions but she learned from them and things never did between them get out of hand romantically it was just texts but still was wrong but we got over it.But yeah after that things were getting rocky but we still stayed happy for the most part but then her parents and me got into an argument (her dad was being controlling and I was getting defensive about that) they had trackers and stuff on her phone even though she was 18 but yeah it made us drift apart more and then towards a couple months after our 2 year anniversary she started drifting apart from me and our arguments gotten worse.
we got into this bad fight cried and broke down in each other’s arms and said we would get through it things were getting better and looking up so I decided to ask her to marry me that I loved her and we went through hell and back with each other and I wanna spend the rest of my life with her she told me she was losing feelings for me and she was thinking about breaking up I begged her to stay but we broke up that night....
1 year later and I realize my issues and the problems I did in the relationship how I coulda done better and how she coulda done better as well we shoulda done more but it’s in the past but I can’t get over her I still love her I’ve tried dating but no one has made me get over her no one makes me feel the way she did or even better and I’ve tried messaging her to come back but she blocks me and tells me she wants nothing to do with me even as friends at this point I just want love again I’ve learned a lot and improved I’ve learnt self love and I’m fine with myself but now I just want to be with someone or her I want someone to be able to love that strong again or at least have her back again (yes I’ve heard it all there is other women give it time but idk if I can keep going like this) I want your guys opinion and thoughts on this...
submitted by KeepithiddenJ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 13:10 jackmanson13 I'm not ok with how ok my dates are with this

Tldr: mild incest (3 cousins and down)
I went on a date last night, I revived that her 22f and I 23 m were related. We're 4th cousins. She shrugged and said so what we've never met before. It's not about how often we meet it's about not dating family. Now I have kinda shot myself in the foot with this mentality sense the only women in VT are family, underage or drug addicts. So it's really hard to find someone. I guess not for most people they ether add to redneck stigma, date minor's or are also drug addicts. There's almost no one I would want to date. If any healthy woman over 20 wants to move to VT feel free to message me. Until that day I'll just be screaming into the endless void of reddit
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2020.10.11 22:32 Brilliant_Ad3101 Luke Dating Someone New?

Luke Dating Someone New?
Luke's friend posted a pic of him on what appears to be a double date. Last I heard, he was hooking up with some new cast mate on Summer House. The guy's dating life and taste in women seem to be all over the place. He also just moved into a new bachelor pad and the decor is typical of a guy from Minnesota who loves hockey & hunting. I know people love to say that Luke was out of Hannah's league due to his looks; but based on how she seems to be thriving in her career & personal life, while he has the lifestyle of a 37 year old redneck fratboy, maybe she's the one out of Luke's league??
https://preview.redd.it/3znt0keryis51.jpg?width=633&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c154809df2f3ac2f237d782a3e5183d3ea32638
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2020.10.04 11:38 FrostHeart1124 Big Sis Talk #4: Shoes Clues

Previous Big Sis Talk: Big Sis Talk #3: Girl Talk
Gasp! What’s this? Who are these? My gorgeous, little siblings, you say? Gathered ‘round me once more for the divulgence of knowledge long-forgotten and ever-cherished?
Oh. Wait, no. This is a Google Docs sheet, you say? I’m the one typing this very introduction? I’m phrasing statements into questions without reason and dragging this meta-commentary on too long when really I should be forming an actual introduction to this post? Ah. Well, fair enough.
Hi, everyone! I know it’s been… hm… a while since my last post here, but your Big Sis Lilly is back, and she’s got more word vomit to digitally barf all over your phones, monitors, and by extension, your eager minds. But, seriously, sorry I’ve been away from this series for so long. It turns out that working the graveyard shift forty hours a week at a ventilator factory during a global respiratory plague just before flu season comes with a certain level of emotional and physical stress. The upside is that I just became a “permanent” employee at my job (as opposed to a temporary employee or “temp”). This comes with a better rate of pay and insurance benefits along with an extra helping of job security, leaving me with a bit of extra mental energy to dedicate to enrichment activities, like this!
For those of you who are new to this series, it’s a little blog/talk series I write here on MtF trying to be a helpful older sister to some of my less-experienced lil transfem sibs and help answer some of the questions I didn’t know how to ask a few years ago.
I think I’ve rambled on for just long enough so with nothing further, let’s click our heels and march in step because we’re getting to the heart and sole of the matter.
Okay, so in the past, I have described shoes simply as, “yikes.” This is not because shoes are particularly strange at all. It’s largely because feet are Fucking. Weird. Like, seriously, if you have feet, please remove from one of them any sort of garment that currently obscures it. Just look at that ugly bastard. What the hell is wrong with feet? Why are they shaped like backwards candy corn with tentacles??? And then look at feet from the side! It’s three-dimensional! A foot has three different arches, variations in both length and width, and toes that all supposedly assist in balance. Genuinely horrifying. I’d be lying if I said this foot rant was much of anything other than self-serving, but nonetheless, it does hold some level of demonstrative value. It’s hard to give advice about shoes to several thousand people online because literally, if everyone who upvoted my first BST gathered together in one room, that would be a room with over 3,600 unique feet in it. This is why we’re going to start by getting into a little bit of basic information about how shoe sizing works.
I’m a filthy, McDonald’s-fueled American garbage heap, so I’m going to be using American shoe sizing as the basis to this explanation, but shoe sizing works generally the same way internationally with different units of measure. Regardless, your shoe size hypothetically comes from several different measurements. Realistically, your shoe size usually just comes from the measurement that is from the tip of your heel to the tip of whichever toe juts out farthest (usually your big toe or her neighbor). If you care to measure this yourself at home, you can do so by stepping flat on a piece of paper and having a friend trace your foot. (Be cautious! Very tickly!) This measurement determines the numerical part of your shoe size. If there is some mathematical formula for turning this measurement into the shoe size, I don’t know it, so I’d suggest using a chart like this. For most people, this number alone will be enough to know their shoe size. For anyone planning to wear shoes marketed to women, particularly trans people, I’d suggest also measuring the width of your feet. This is simply to measure the widest part of your foot the same way the length was measured earlier on a piece of paper. Take this measurement and the numerical size from before and compare to a chart like this one. For a lot of people, just these two steps will do wonders to get you into comfortable shoes. For people with foot injuries, flat feet, or chronic foot pain, it may be best to talk to an actual podiatrist or shoe-fitter. If you don’t care enough to measure feet but already know your size in men’s, the way to convert to women’s sizing is simply to add 2 to your men’s size. Fun fact: men’s sizes are the same as children’s sizes. If some jabroni ever gets a little too full of himself around you, feel free to remind him that he technically wears a children’s 9.
Okay, with that mess out of the way, let’s move onto a slightly more fun mess. Specifically, we can talk about styles of shoes! Unlike with clothing, I can’t honestly say every person should have any particular style of shoe because everyone has different needs. Personally, I think three pairs of shoes are enough to keep most people entertained with various outfit options outside of regionally-specific weather-related needs. I, for one, own only two pairs of shoes that I wear regularly right now. One pair is a chunkier pair of Vans I wear to my factory job or while longboarding. The other pair is, well, also a pair of Vans, but they’re lighter and more fashionable… I like Vans… Sue me. The only concrete thing to really look out for is making sure that you have a pair of casual shoes with neutral coloring (white, black, gray, beige, or even navy) just to make sure you don’t prevent yourself from wearing a cute outfit due to lack of shoes.
On that note, though, Vans and Converse (although, blech to Converse) are pretty great shoes to add to a budding feminine wardrobe. They’re very gender neutral, Vans are pretty sturdy (fuck Converse), and they’re genuinely pretty fashionable for casual wear. If you’ve never been one to wear colorful or expressive shoes, something like that could be a nice stepping-stone (Yes, it’s a pun; I’m proud of it) since they’re available in tons of colors and patterns while still being rather clean, visually.
Loathe as I am to admit it, skating shoes won’t totally cover every occasion for every person. Sometimes, you need something a little more formal or business-y. Generally, if it’s for work, try to figure out what sorts of shoes other women in your field wear to figure out what you need. Flats are likely a safe bet for any sort of office work. Flats are like heels, but gasp FLAT! But no joke, flats are kinda nice if you want a slightly more dressy look but don’t want the pain of heels. Generally, ballet flats work out well anywhere you’d describe as a casual office or even slightly fancier for the sake of going on a not-too-fancy date (use your best judgement based on if a particular pair of flats resembles another type of shoes). Hell, I’ve known women to just wear flats as casual around-the-house shoes. If you do choose to wear flats, please verify that they fit quite well, as poorly fitting flats can result in injuries to the feet, face, and pride. I’m...definitely not speaking from experience. No way have I fallen flat on my face on asphalt just walking from my college dining hall back to my dorm down a fifteen-degree incline. That would never happen. I certainly wouldn’t be the kind of dumb bitch to talk about it on the internet on a profile I know irl friends have seen. Nope.
If you’re looking to make a statement and specifically would like for that statement to be pretty overtly feminine, the wisdom of the modern era would likely point you in the direction of a pair of heels. Heels can absolutely be some simple, cute half-inch things, but they’re sometimes a bit more than that. Women have worn feels for hundreds of years now, and that long-standing popularity is for good reason. In a real way, heels are more like a feature of a shoe rather than their own “genre” at this point. They’ve been through so many iterations and variations at this point. Like, when you imagine heels, it’s really easy to bounce from a pair of strappy sandals to a pair of boots, to Cinderella’s glass slipper, to any number of other high-heeled shoes out there. To that point, though, shoes with heels do have a few universal attributes. For instance, heels will make you look taller, but I think this effect is a little overstated. Remember that outside of platform shoes, heels can’t make you any taller than you would be on tip-toes. If you stand on tip-toes and don’t feel like a giant, heels will not make you look like a giant. A lot of trans women have a real and valid fear of this, but honestly, I wouldn’t worry. Tall women are hot, heels don’t even make you much taller, and I don’t have a third thing because I got distracted thinking about how hot tall women are. I also wouldn’t personally freak out too much about the difficulty of walking in heels. It’s noticeable but not impossible. I’m used to longboarding, so I know I have strong ankles, but I really don’t think most people will have any trouble in heels from a half to a full inch. There are videos online about how to practice walking in heels, but you can get a long way just on the knowledge that you’re meant to put most of your weight near your toes and the balls of your feet. Even if you’re pretty convinced that heels won’t do anything for you, you might take into consideration that they’re good for setting your posture so that your chest goes out and your butt bumps back. Maybe that’s tempting. Maybe I'm the only person on earth who cares about boobs and asses, but I really hope I'm not.
If you’re looking for shoes a little more weather resistant, boots of some sort are normally your best option. An important thing to remember is that while boots with heels can be very cute, stylish, and even comfortable, they are likely not intended for any sort of inclement weather if that heel is more than half an inch. That concept might be a little obvious to some, but most people would say it’s an obviously bad idea to teach a Bernese Mountain Dog to throw his front paws on your shoulders whenever someone does a T-pose. Let’s just say I won’t hold anyone to a higher standard than to which I hold myself. Ignoring that diversion, good boots should be waterproof, provide ample support to one’s ankles, and be exceptionally easy to walk in. I hate to admit it, but Timberland makes some genuinely nice women’s boots with great waterproofing, even if I despise the association with redneck culture.
I hope at this point that I’ve given enough information to help a person take a few steps (hehe) towards knowing what they might want for shoes in their arsenal. As to the point of actually buying shoes, it’s really pretty easy nowadays, even with Covid. Purchasing shoes online, even sometimes directly from manufacturers, is pretty damn easy. Shoe brands in recent years have gotten much better about standardizing their shoe sizes across the industry, so you normally won’t have to try shoes on in-store assuming you know your size. This will also open up availability to larger shoe sizes as well as shoes for non-standard widths of feet. If you really prefer to shop for shoes in-person, consider looking for outlet malls near you rather than typical retail stores, as there’s sometimes a broader range of sizes available.
If you found my insight helpful, think I’m way off base somewhere, or have burning questions, let me know here or in a private message.
If you have suggestions for a topic I could cover sometime in the future, I’d love to hear them!
さようなら (Sayounara)
Your Big Sis
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2020.09.29 05:51 deathbymemory the redneck neckbeard : a tale of a 5'7 320 pound abusive man

Lets call this neckbeard john, this story is A LOT. it takes span over about 2 years, and could honestly be posted in abuse. ill try to sum this up as fast as i can but the sheer amount of cringe and all around "WTF?!" is insanity. tl/dr will be at the end. see john isn't your typical neckbeard. he does smell rather funky, posts daily how women never know whats good for them, and has a raging god complex, but hes a little more than that. for lack of a better term hes a redneck. a 5'7 320 pound, trump loving, work boot wearing, racist, homophobic, and sexist neckbeard. i met john through a mutual friend of ours, tyler, and at the very beginning he was an awful nice guy, and your typical neckbeard. telling me how pretty i was, how women just didn't understand him. he believed himself to be a true gentlemen, a man with class that sure would know how to treat a lady right, and of course his views on the world and politics were nothing short of intellectual, and in no way intolerant. see in johns eyes he was the ultimate man, and though women didn't throw themselves at him it was not due to his odor, or body mass, but because they were so self conscious they wouldn't want to be with him, cause they felt they only deserved trash men. it's rather mind blowing to me how this neckbeard did end up having a good group of friends, and got along with the majority of students as long as they were straight, and white. see john made people like him through his self deprecating humor, calling himself fat and gross to seem relatable and likable to people, so maybe they'd look past his narcissism, and putrid smell that just never washed off. and for the most part it really paid off for him.
now lets get into the story, so tyler the mutual friend who was much more attractive, the one who introduced me to john actually wound up being my boyfriend a good 2 or 3 months after he introduced me to notorious neckbeard. this gave john more then enough time to manifest me into his subconscious neckbeard world where i was his princess and exclusively belonged to him. the fact that me and tyler were now together, infuriated him, he'd talk bad about each of us to the other, and try with all his might to win my heart over, because i was his and we were "destined to be together, the perfect couple." day in and day out john would try with all his power to get tyler to break up with me, and he would flirt with me trying to show how great of a guy he was, and that i deserved better. though his weird, slimy scheme didn't work me and tyler eventually went our separate ways after he admitted to talking to other girls. obviously this tore my 15 year old heart to shreds, and john the neckbeard wound up being my shoulder to cry on.
looking back i heavily regret this but at the time mentally i was not in the best placed and any form of attention, and any boy calling me pretty made my heart flutter. NO disclaimer i luckily never developed feelings for this backwoods neckbeard. john kept up with his shenanigans of flirting with me, but as time when on and i guess he got more comfortable with objectifying me which doesn't really make sense because he hated "gross men that hurt women." you'll find this very laughable as i go on.
little fun insert here. you know those tik toks of the cringe scrawny country boys hopping around and flailing punches like a dead fish to the song read me my rights? yeah thats the best way to describe him only a few hundred pounds bigger. even funnier that, that was one of his favorite songs. an entire song about kicking mens asses that touched and abused women. oh lord this shit writes itself.
johns favorite things about me were as follows, and in his words not mine "your gorgeous long brown hair that smells so good, your bright green eyes, your perfectly sized plump boobs, and your fat ass" i was deeply disturbed and still am. not to mention the handful of times he went out and mentioned my "birthing hips" yeah i dont think i ever want to show my body again. as time went on he got more and more bold. telling me how he had a wet dream where i was "doggy style on his bed moaning with pleasure" (not the mention he added the detail that in this dream his dog was watching us from the corner, i really dont understand why that was 1. a detail in the first place, and 2. something you would tell a girl, as if telling me about his wet dream of us wasn't bad enough) oh and, crying to me that no girl liked him, because he was fat and ugly. wailing and begging me to send him explicit photos because it would at least make him a little bit happier, and after all he did have my back when tyler cheated on me. and of course i was a young naive teenager, so i thought "hell whats the worst that could happen, hes a good friend anyway." cut to about a month later and john had been showing about any other boy he pleased, then still liked spinning the blame and saying it was my fault for sending them in the first place and "thats just what boys do." many of you are probably thinking wow, he couldn't get any worse, but rest assured he can.
this is about a year into our friendship, around the start of our sophomore year. i noticed a flip in john. he just seemed to become more aggressive, this could be due to the fact that me and tyler had patched our differences and decided to be just friends once more. or he was just spiraling into an hurricane of narcissistic personality disorder. he became very rude most times cutting me off mid sentence and telling me to shut up because no body really cared what i had to say. ill spare you the details and try to sum this up just a bit faster but the list of adjectives thrown at me were mostly but not limited to ; whore, lazy, annoying, mentally unstable, drug addict, fuck up, and for the most part just telling me i was going to no where in life. the verbal attacks started to be mixed with manipulation and gas lighting. since of course in johns neckbeard eyes it was my fault i didn't date him, because hes a great man and im just a dumb women who doesnt know better. its my fault that im in the situations im in because im not smart enough to just become not mentally ill. (for reference ive been diagnosed with mild depressive disorder, and ADHD since about 7th grade) he really liked twisting blame and making me feel bad for everything i did, i suppose in a hope to bring my confidence down so low i believed i was winning the lottery because he still wanted to be with me? im not sure, we can all tell hes not as intelligent as he believes himself to be.
the abuse didnt stop at just mental and verbal, pretty much daily he would decide it was ok to touch my body without consent right in the middle of the hallway, and just laugh when i was obviously very uncomfortable.
lets push forward to January of my sophomore year, a lot of personal stuff had happened and with john being no help my mental health dropped and my mom decided to pull me out of public school and have me do online for my sake. this change was done pretty quickly and i felt very vulnerable so i kept it to myself and my very close friends. when john found out he was pissed, his princess left him. so of course he texted me and cussed me out for 3 days straight telling me i was good for nothing, and letting down all my friends and family. at this point id had about enough of john and kicked him to the curb. i typed a long well thought out letter, displaying how he made me feel and why it wasn't okay and his only response was "well i dont even know what i did, and if i did maybe id apologize. but clearly you are mentally unstable, so dont talk to me until you get your shit figured out."
insane right?! yeah quite possibly the most questionable decisions of my life. i dont really want to end this on a sad note, because ive found peace with myself after everything i was put through, but i have nothing more to say. so i guess ill leave you with quite possibly my favorite, most problematic thing john the redneck neckbeard has ever said;
"well if i had a child, and had to choose between a white baby sitter, and a black baby sitter, i would choose the white one. its not racist, just statistically black people are more dangerous. like come on" not only deflecting any criticisms of his blatant racism, he also failed to realize thats not at all how statistics work.
thank you for your time!
tl/dr : abusive friendship with a racist, sexist redneck neckbeard really left my jaw on the floor, and a whole mess of mental health problems.
submitted by deathbymemory to talesofneckbeards [link] [comments]


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2020.08.30 09:26 Lil-Paesano1 How do people date in a small town when they aren't from there?

I'm (27M) originally from the city and went to college and always had success with women because they were always available. But ever since I moved to the country I cant ever seem to find anyone who is single or who hasn't already been with one of my best friends. Most people out here are married or hook up because they have known eachother through friends and family. Whereas, I am new to the area and have a hard time meeting anyone new and feel like I never will meet anybody. Dating apps don't work out here and the bars are filled with obnoxious redneck men. Do I have to move back to the city or is there a way to meet women in a small town that I just haven't figured out yet?
submitted by Lil-Paesano1 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


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2020.08.25 10:48 banned-one My label was misprinted

Sorry it ended up being so long, but I just didn't know what to leave out.
I'm not looking for advice or pity, or anything like that, but will not turn down any suggestion to clear my thoughts (almost said clear my head, then remembered who I'm talking too).
I'm fixing to be completely honest for a moment, not something I have ever done where this is concerned. But when I came out I had never heard the term bisexual. I was 18, and this was 35 years ago, give or take, It's after 2:30 am, I'm not doing the fucking math. But I live in a small hick, redneck, backwoods town even though this was 1989, gay people were still referred to as "funny".
I was attracted to both sexes, but I finally realized I wasn't straight, and my only other option was gay. So I became gay, and lived in the gay community for a lot of years, and I was with a lot of men, over 150. One night alone was 15.5. Long story, but the tldr was: I was underage in a bar, dating both the bar owner, and higher ranking cop that was on a detail that raided bars to check for compliance in a lot of areas. Dating both was the only way I could get in underage, nobody stopped me, because they knew they were safe when I was there. There was a bet made by me that I could beat the record of a guy from a few years before, where he was fucked by a train of 8 guys while bent ovelaying on a bar table. I managed 15, and the 16th had started when my wonderful cop boyfriend called to say they would be there in about 20 minutes. So I had to get the hell out of Dodge, before I got caught in there, that would have closed the bar.
Anyway, during this time I dated my 5th and 6th females. Then I met a the woman that would be girlfriend number 7, and the first and only women I've ever wanted to or have had sex with, and very quickly my wife, (First date Jan. 7th married May 25th) (we've been together 25 years now). I can't even began to say how important she is to me, how there is no way I could survive losing her, it is the "true love" of fairy tales, no pun intended, but it works.
But my "bi-cycle" (I said this last night and it too accurate not to use again), is more like a cross country road trip, and peddling up a mountain than a regular trip around the block. It never ends, it is 25/8, Some days I feel I'm going to explode if I don't get a man's arms around me. I would be happy with just some shirtless cuddling. But I used to be a size queen, and I lay down to sleep, and I'm kept awake until 2 or 3 am, because my mind, and other parts of me won't stop thinking about guys, and having sex with them, guys with very large.. cough.
I really feel I should have stayed gay, instead of becoming bi. But, I love my wife with all my heart and all my soul. She is the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me. But if had stayed over there, I would be tormented by this desire, this unrelenting need. I know, that I know that there is no way in hell I would ever cheat on her. But I bet I die when my heart explodes because of the stress of needing a man in my life so much. I catch crushes on guys. I crush on guys I shouldn't crush on (good friends, anything with a dick).
I was poly at one time, very early in my life, before 10 y/o, I was questioning why married people couldn't be married to more than one person if they loved both of them the same. I still feel that way, but my wife is mono, and the only way she would date me is if I promised to stay mono as long as we were together. So I don't have that available either. First my men, then my multiple men. Damn I gave up a lot for her, and would do it again in a heartbeat. She is worth all this sexual pain I feel because I don't have a man in my life.
Despite that I know, that, I'm a homo man in a hetro marriage. My true label is gay. Some days I wish I could still wear it, most days I wish I could still wear....OH hell EVERY day I wish I could still identify as gay. But husband, father, family man, are more important labels to me, as is the deep, deep love I have for her. Fuck! why me?????
Thanks for coming to my ted talk, I just needed to rant and get it off my chest.

**update** While doing some searching today, I found a box of our "toys" including the strap-on, that I thought had been accidentally thrown away, about two years ago. We're going to try this, and see if it helps any. But I desire a mans strong arms around me, my head on his bare chest, able to smell that good man smell (not b..o. the other smell) the smell that say's I'm a man, I'm strong, I'll protect you. The sex I couldn't care less about really, but let's try. However between my bad back and legs, and her knees, which she injured 20 years ago trying to lift a rather large man into bed in a nursing home, I don't know if it will work or not. I did tell her she would have to give me at least a week to get stretched out, this tihng is huge, If I could find a man that big, I would be in heaven. for each inch of the dildo, it's like two inches of a real man, and it don't bend as easy either. But it works in a pinch.
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2020.08.24 05:18 john14325 Rebook every WWE PPV (WrestleMania 1 - 37) part 1

WrestleMania 1
Ricky Steamboat vs Don Muraco
An opening contest to get the crowd fired up for the new fan favourite on the scene and also a kick start to a feud that will pick up as 1985 rolls on.
King Kong Bundy /w Jimmy Hart vs Jimmy Snuka
Snuka was on his way out, while Bundy is getting the monster heel push since arriving on the scene. Bundy destroys Snuka on his road to the top of the card.
Bruno and David Sammartino vs The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff /w Freddie Blassie
Bruno really should have been involved in David's match at the proper version of this show, so we right that wrong by putting the Living Legend in tag team action in the Garden against the tandem of foreign heels.
Junkyard Dog vs Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake /w Johnny V
Just a filler match to get the popular JYD on the show with a win to keep the Garden crowd hot
The US Express(c) /w Lou Albano vs Paul Orndorff and “Cowboy” Bob Orton World Tag Team Championships
A solid title defence for the new tag team champions. Heel miscommunication similar to the end of the original main event takes place towards the end of the match as an errant cast shot from Orton to Orndorff costs the challengers the titles, leading to Orton turning face over the Spring/Summer.
Tito Santana vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine(c) /w Jimmy Hart No DQ match for the Intercontinental Championship
The "workrate" match on the card as this hot rivalry gets to play out on the big card. The No DQ stipulation comes from countless title defences on the house show circuit in which Valentine managed to hold onto the gold by way of disqualification/countout. Tito reclaims the I.C belt here as the Garden goes nuts and the feud continues into the summer where the classic cage blow off still takes place. It also gives us our first Mania title change since the tag belts are being retained.
Andre The Giant vs Big John Studd /w Bobby Heenan $15,000 Body Slam Challenge
Keep the same.
Wendi Richter /w Cyndi Lauper vs Fabulous Moolah /w Leilani Kai
This means I don't get the Women's title defended on the show, but this is what the feud was all about anyway as Richter is out for revenge on Moolah for costing her the title at the War to Settle the Score. Lauper is in Richter's corner to counter the presence of the new champion and they celebrate the win to Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun.
Hulk Hogan /w Mr. T vs Roddy Piper(c) /w Paul Orndorff WWF Championship
Piper beats Bob Backlund for the gold in late 1983 and goes on a long run as champion until he’s finally dethroned by Hulk Hogan beginning Hulkamania in the main event of the first ever WrestleMania.
The Wrestling Classic
Note: Instead of a 16 man tournament we get an 8 man tournament with the winner facing Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship at WrestleMania 2.
Ricky Steamboat vs Randy Savage
Since there’s less matches on the card, we can give the matches more time and we open the match with two up and comers and they tear the house down in their first encounter with Savage getting the win.
Davey Boy Smith vs Dynamite Kid
The two members of The British Bulldogs go at it in a friendly exhibition to see who’s the best and the young Davey Bog Smith gets the win.
Junkyard Dog vs Roddy Piper
The extremely popular Junkyard Dog gets the win advancing in the tournament.
Paul Orndorff vs “Cowboy” Bob Orton
Their big feud that started earlier in the year at WrestleMania culminates here with both men wanting to be WWF Champion. Orndorff gets the clean win.
Randy Savage vs Junkyard Dog
Junkyard Dog gets the win in a great 15 minute match.
Davey Boy Smith /w Dynamite Kid vs Paul Orndorff
Orndorff gets the win advancing to the finals of the tournament.
Paul Orndorff vs Junkyard Dog
We advance to the finals of the tournament and Orndorff cheats to beat Junkyard Dog getting nuclear heat from the crowd.
Hulk Hogan(c) vs King Kong Bundy /w Bobby Heenan WWF Championship
Bundy continues to dominate over the spring and summer and becomes Hogan’s biggest challenge to date. Hogan manages to retain in the main event to send the crowd home happy.
WrestleMania 2
Note: The event is held in Madison Square Garden second year in a row instead of three separate locations.
British Bulldogs /w Lou Albano vs The Hart Foundation /w Jimmy Hart
The night's action kicks off with some hot tag team action as two teams who had been going at it for the better part of the past year face off and fire the crowd up. The Bulldogs get the win to keep them strong as future contenders in the tag title hunt.
Mr. T vs “Cowboy” Bob Orton Boxing match
The Saturday Night Main Event match happens here. Orton had been knocking out superstars in boxing contests heading into Mania so he issued a challenge for the show, answered by the A-Team star. T knocks the Cowboy out after a couple of rounds to end this angle.
Randy Savage(c) /w Miss Elizabeth vs Tito Santana Intercontinental Championship
Savage had beaten Tito in controversial fashion earlier in the year to capture the I.C title, so we get a rematch here on the big stage to blow the rivalry off. Savage comes out on top in what is a solid battle between two capable performers - quite the improvement from the I.C match on the original Mania 2 card.
Bruno Sammartino vs Roddy Piper /w Bob Orton
Our main event in New York sees the retirement match of the Living Legend as he does battle with one of the most hated men in the company. The Hot Rod takes the fight to the legendary former champion but Bruno does not back down. Ultimately interference from Cowboy Bob Orton, making his presence known for the second time in the night, leads Piper winning. A heel beat down follows, but Sammartino comes back and drives the tandem from the ring to go out to a standing ovation.
Dream Team(c) /w Johnny V vs The Killer Bees World Tag Team Championships
After some back and forth tag team action, the champions retain after heel shenanigans, continuing their reign and setting them up for a run against the Bulldogs over the next few months
Leilani Kai vs The Fabulous Moolah(c) Women’s Championship
Since we aren't getting another title change on the show, I'm getting a change here to pop the crowd. Since there weren't all that many challengers out there to fill this slot, Kai has turned face, sick of Moolah hogging the spotlight in the division. She gets the win against her former mentor in a quick encounter to fill out the card.
William Perry, Bill Fralic, Ernie Holmes, Russ Francis, Harvey Martin & Jimbo Covert (w/Eddie Jones) vs Big John Studd, Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Hercules Hernandez, Ted Arcidi & Adrian Adonis (w/Freddie Blassie)
We get the NFL vs WWF cross promotional match here in a big ten man tag. Big John Studd leads a team of WWF superstars against the selection of NFL players captained by Chicago's own Refrigerator after taking offence to the NFL stars being part of Mania. This turns into an all out brawl that is thrown out when fighting occurs amongst all the participants in the match. Chicago gets its moment as Perry and Studd have a confrontation as the ring clears, with the Fridge sending the giant packing.
Andre The Giant vs King Kong Bundy /w Bobby Heenan
The build here is essentially a replica of the Hogan/Bundy feud from the original card, with Bundy going on an unstoppable tear heading into Mania and sidelining the great Andre at the Saturday Night's Main Event a few weeks before. Andre gets his revenge here to end this feud.
Jake Roberts vs Ricky Steamboat
Jake is fairly new on the scene here and has picked a fight with another rising star in the Dragon. The two put on a solid outing with the Snake going over here with the DDT after some back and forth action. After the match, Steamboat faces the wrath of the python and this feud will continue as the year rolls on.
Hoss and Terry Funk /w Jimmy Hart vs Junkyard Dog and Hillbilly Jim
Another hot tag match on the show here as JYD recruits another man from down south to battle the redneck Funk brotherhood. This essentially replaces the Funk vs Tito/JYD match from the original card which was one of the highlights of the show. Jim's addition hurts the match a little, but its still a wild brawl.
George Steele vs Don Muraco w/ Mr Fuji
Filler match here before the main event. Steele gets the win for the crowd as Muraco starts to move down the card.
Hulk Hogan (c) vs Paul Orndorff Steel Cage match for the WWF Championship
I've accelerated the Hogan/Orndorff feud to kick off before this show so that Hogan can have a big program heading into Mania. Orndorff gets his title shot due to winning The Wrestling Classic. Orndorff uses sneak attacks over the next few months to weaken Hogan and that’s when WWF President Jack Tibet books a steel cage match in the main event of WrestleMania. Hogan manages to retain here to end the night on a high, but the feud will continue and culminate inside a steel cage at The Big Event over the summer.
WrestleMania 3
Ricky Steamboat /w George Steele vs Randy Savage(c) w/Miss Elizabeth Intercontinental Championship
The match of the night wouldn’t change it for anything.
Tito Santana vs Harley Race Loser must bow match
The King wins the match forcing Santana to bow but is then beaten down by Santana.
Roddy Piper vs Adrian Adonis Hair vs Hair match
Piper wins and makes Adonis pass out to the sleeper and proceeds to shave his head.
The Hart Foundation vs The British Bulldogs(c) World Tag Team Championships
The Hart Foundation win in a great tag team match.
Jake Roberts vs The Honky Tonk Man /w Jimmy Hart
We keep the feud the same but Roberts manages to get the win.
The Rogeaus vs The Dream Team
Rogeaus win.
Hulk Hogan(c) vs Andre The Giant WWF Championship
Perfect main event I’d keep it the same.
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2020.08.22 08:15 Narwhalspikeson I think I feel lost for the first time

Where do I even want to start with this - I guess with the problem but I'll add some context after? As I write this, I'm realizing its not going to be very organized at all - weird, I usually can manage that.
So the thing is that I've recently admitted to myself / been able to feel enough emotions to realize that I'm gay - or something close at least. Thing is, I have no clue about this whole "meeting people" thing - at least not with the intent of dating them. From high school to around a year and a half ago I tried to "force" myself to be straight - no I never considered that could mean I wasn't straight, don't ask how I missed that. Well during that time I just kinda had women come up to me and ask ME out, so there was no concern about being in a relationship then - of course other than being remotely happy or comfortable with any part of it, especially sex. After I started to notice that my dating experience wasn't really normal or good, I thought that I might be Asexual / Aromantic since all of my relationships hadn't done anything for me. So I went like that for year or so and was doing pretty alright until I realized that from a mental health perspective I was doing extremely badly and had been for years. So I started seeing my current therapist who genuinely opened me to the idea that I could be gay and that I couldn't actually hide from reality behind a mask of adhering to heteronormativity well to compensate (though I do genuinely like a lot of the things I do that are, its just that I was overdoing it to convince myself - I guess).
That's a long way of saying that I've never had to deal with asking people out or even learning anything about people actively - they always came to me through what's ultimately luck - and now I have to learn, with no clue where to start. I feel like most people encounter this when they're younger (granted 21 isn't exactly old) and they are so excited for something new and that they aren't sure why they want it, that they don't get the sort of intimidated fear I'm getting. Maybe that's not right, but I'm definitely unsure of where to start. Just throwing shit at a wall and seeing what sticks doesn't seem particularly productive nor really logistically possible since if there is any sort of a gay community here, is it's real damn hidden - and I wouldn't blame them. If you can't tell from that, I live/work/go to college in the rural south so I'm a little scared - with some justification - that I could make a mistake and wind up shot by some redneck motherfucker. Though, I might be getting a little ahead of myself with that. Hell I could move, if it really seems to me like there's nothing here for me.
So yeah, I think that the question is sort of two parts - "How do you even meet people to start a relationship with?" (that's sterile language, but I think its clear) and "How do I reduce my chances of accidentally hitting on a straight guy and maybe getting shot?" (see that's less sterile but I'm weirdly less comfortable with it). That doesn't get it all but I just want anything to go on because I've never had a reason to get any experience with it, despite just kinda having myself put into relationships before. I want to learn the thing that like everyone else seems to have to learn. You know, if I was straight, I'd have a pretty good thing going. I suppose the one bright side is that I've never been nervous like this until now, though it seems like it might be worse since its happening later.
What bothers me is that this feels like a question that either some highschooler would ask or that like some guy who just crawled out of his parents basement would ask and that neither one of those is me. Like I should know this right? Not only am I the age my grandparents had kids, but I've had girlfriends, so it feels like there's no excuse. I suppose that doesn't matter - at least I hope.
Sorry this has been disorganized, I've (like I said) never had to deal with this before. Also sorry if this isn't the right place, but I don't think I misjudged it that badly. Bare minimum it felt kinda good to write all this out.
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submitted by PoculA21Augl to u/PoculA21Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 05:14 Not_very_social I listened to Mike Keller's preaching so you don't have to.

Have you ever wondered how on earth JRod managed finagle an engagement with the Kellers (aka ANNA DUGGAR's family)? The answer is here in this recap. And because I don't like to read through paragraphs of text to find out the answer to a question, I will TL;DR: Mike Keller is Jill 2.0. He is the male version of Jill, only without the 80's hooker makeup and malnourished children. He is just as batshit crazy as she is, full of recounting stories of harassing--sorry--saving innocent bystanders in public, possessing an utter lack of ability to realize his social faux-pas, and just being a downright, horrible, judgemental, hypocritical person. He and Jill are two peas in a pod; he just doesn't have social media to broadcast it in full. He finds the Rods perfectly normal..
Below you will find ALL CAPS and *italics* to note when his voice goes HIGH pitched or especially crazy sounding, which is quite often. I was only able to stand recapping the worst of the worst. So sit back, grab a beverage of your choice, and take a look at the mind boggling drivel that pings around in Mike Keller's brain.
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It starts out innocent enough: Nurie just finished playing the piano in the corner and get sup to go to her seat as Mike passes her getting up to the pulpit. "Isn't that beautiful how she plays?? We are blessed, so blessed." Awww.
He then makes his son David hand out a papers to everyone. All these people are inside during a pandemic.
After some bible talk, Mike starts talking about ThE boOk Of MoRmOn. Funny thing is, he says it in a dun-dun-dunnnnn voice, like he's going to talk about something scary. He then begins shit on the Book of Mormon and it's history, calling it a "stunning, devised fable." He says all this with a straight face and no self-awareness: "SUCH A FAIRY TALE". "Stinking false fairy tales." "It's a fairy tale!" Ahh, I see where Nathan gets his repeating words from.
WTF, LISTEN TO THIS QUOTE: "Joseph Smith just was a pervert, he committed adultery with over 20 women." LMAOOOOOOOO OK father-in-law of Josh Duggar.
In case it's not clear, MK is not spending this sermon talking nice things: he's basically going to shit on everyone and be judgemental in a type of voice I can only describe as Southern accent with a judgey Valley Girl tone. (*Note: This is not against Southerners or people from the Valley, just awful Mike.)
Mike on Joseph Smith: "The Mormon church says what, he died as a what? As a Martyr." Bursts into a fit of giggling. "What a JOKE. What a joke. What a religion--they are SO BRAINWASHED. SO BRAINWASHED." The lack of self awareness!
On to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Mike talks about the papers he passed around to the congregation to bash the JWs and how WRONG they are with their SILLY beliefs. He solidifies his critique with the following gems: "What a baloney sandwich!" "Why don't you just admit he was WRONG." "What a handsome looking guy" (He said this about Charles Russell, who's picture is on the paper, so I had to include it.)
Talking about the JW founder(?) Charles Russell hooking up with the maid in front of his wife: " Well she divorced him. I'm not complaining about." OK FATHER OF ANNA DUGGAR, remember summer 2015?
Mike whines about how these "CULTS" are booming: there is a Mormon church and JW in every city! Yes, he used the word CULTS unironically. Mike can't believe that JW sees Baptists as false! Hey JWs, MIKE and the BAPTISTS are the TRUE CHURCH, YOU are the false ones.
Now talk about Angels. MIKE suddenly starts SCREECHING so loud the audio buzzes and I actually jump a bit. He is raving about TARTARUS, the lowest part of HELL.
"IN-SEC-TOIDSSSSSSSSSS." He hisses this word at least twice, maybe three times when talking about locusts You can tell he's so proud to have learned it. "We can have fun in church!" When is that going to start happening?
Now talking about Sodom and Gomorrah turning into ashes. I'm sure this will be a nice story. Sure enough, Mike talks about God using his "little pinky!" to rain a meteor shower of descruction down on them. He then goes on a tangent of Priscilla and her husband, the fabulous David Waller, going to Israel and randomly deciding to go to Sodom and Gomorrah to dig through the ashes. Mike claims they found balls of sulfur, which they gift one to him. This causes Mike to realize that Hell is not just hot, but it stinks.
"VEXED" Mike gets VEXED everyone. Mike talks about getting VEXED when he used to work a real job to support his family, because the guys he worked with were a bunch of "drunks, heathens, and pot heads". Poor Mike! Heathens, drunks, and pot heads VEXED him all day long with their "bad language", no wonder he wanted to work in prisons! Don't get him started on the music. Mike can't STAND when music is played in public. When he hears it he thinks: "Ugh, I need to take a bAAAth!"...Mike recommends turning on some good Christian music, take a bAAAth, listen to some Bible verses...These are all great recommendations on how to clear your head from heathen music. You're Welcome.
I am so sorry to people of Silver Springs, KY who had to put up with this next part. So Mike decides that God is telling him to go on a date with his wife to this restaurant called Sunnys. The following happened: 1) Mike claims he tipped well (doubtful), 2) He asks the poor waitress if she thinks you can get to heaven by being a good person, and he rudely dumbs down his voice to act like he's her to say "Yes, you can." Ass. 3) He freaking gave her a bunch of tracts. 4) He uses the bathroom for several minutes and is forced to listen to the "hillbilly redneck" music blaring on the speakers. He then proceeds to warble out a sample: "I'll take a bullet for yoooououou."
VEXED VEXED VEXED. Mike is vexed!
Big sigh; Mike figures he'll move on to mocking what's going on in the news now: protesters and riots. As he's reading a bible verse, he once again randomly starts screeching "RIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" I did NOT need to hear your voice octave passing my cat's yowling you old coot! By the way, did you guys know that one of these riot leaders is a MARXIST?? What they believe allows them to riot. Mike says this is SATANIC & EVIL.
Oh my God when will this end...Ten minutes left.
Mike claims 100 years ago, Jerusalem was a desert with nothing going on and "pathetic." Freaking asshole doesn't even know that Jerusalem was a diverse city with many thriving communities living side by side.
By the way, Seventh Day Adventists are SO. BRAINWASHED. (*Valley Girl tone intensifies*)
Speaking of brainwashing! Mike has a special treat for you all: "How many of you would like to be brainwashed?" What, again? Mike says he will brainwash you all now, TeeeHeee! His voice gets very high and he's so giddy as he explains how he's going to do it, so close your eyes! So, a man left home jogging, turns left, continues jogging, turns left, continues jogging, turns left, continues jogging, turns left, continues jogging until he reaches home again and sees two men in masks. Who are the masked men? Well, the man's jogging around a baseball diamond and when he hits home, the umpire and catcher have masks on. TeeeeHeeee! He actually asks Nurie what she was thinking about, who had the masks on? Poor girl was so confused she thought he was saying "MASCOT." Is homegirl so sheltered she can't decipher different accents? Is she hard of hearing? What did the story have to do with brainwashing? No one knows because Mike never explains. "BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE SO BRAINWASHED" he belt out.
Shifting gears, Mike is talking about going to Daytona to a....Girl's mall? Girl's model? I dont't understand him. Maybe I was too hard on Nurie. Anyways, he claims a really bubbly Mormon girl just comes up to him wanting to talk. Sure, Jan. Mike makes her read a prayer and several verses AT LEAST TEN TIMES. That poor child. But the point is, after the 12th time, she realizes she's saved through Jesus! And she gets so excited when she realizes it! As Mike explains, "She was so satanically brainwashed," but luckily he was there to help.
Mike brings up Satan and teh IlLuMiNaTi. Oh bug off.
Oh no, Mike is kinda sad because Nathan is a better "soul winner" than him. Maybe not in prison, but definitely what he calls "the free world." He really really calls the secular world the free world, and I bet he has no idea how true that is. Anyways, years ago, Nathan and David BEGGED Mike to take them soul winning with him. Please daddy they begged! So kindly Mike decides to take them to the best soul winning place there is--McDonalds. Inside, Nathan harasses some pour dude who must have been lonely or not in a good place because they talk for 30 minutes with Nathan leading him to Jesus. According to Mike, this guy showed up to Bible study the next day, and still comes years later.
Thankfully, Mike is not as good as Nathan is to harassing people, BUT he did win one soul: another restaurant emoloyee. Recently at a Cracker Barrel, Mike got to "witnessing" the unable-to-leave door greeter. His voice gets SO high as he squeals: "We didn't just go to a wedding, WE WENT ON A MISSION TRIP! He pumps his arms up and down like someone told a kid they were going to Disney World.
SPEAKING OF THE ROYAL WEDDING: Everyone, JRod was actually telling THE TRUTH. Mike starts gushing about the wedding, and says he doesn't think he's EVER seen such a beautiful dress. So he really did love Nuries puffed sleeves. I guess after his hussy daughter refused to wear any for her wedding earlier in the year, Mike was very appreciative. He weirdly mentions how nice it was ironed and cost a fortune to dry clean, but it was worth it. His voice gets all dreamy as he talks about the "*perfect* wedding, *perfect* dress, *perfect* first kiss", then he literally "ahhhhhhhhs". He talks about how blessed they are to have Nurie in the family.
He ends it by giving the most obnoxious prayer, and with that, I'm off to find some wine and blast heathen music to help cleanse my brain.
submitted by Not_very_social to FundieSnark [link] [comments]


2020.08.10 02:30 ViciousGrass Caught between two worlds. Need some encouragement/advice and a good bop on the head too, for good measure. (Gender, Theology) Warning: Long read

Tl;Dr at the end
Ello all,
I’ll just start and say this is an alt (as my actual account is my username for many things) and I often frequent this sub and many, many, many, other Christian subs. As such, you can probably tell that I can’t get enough of our Lord and the salvation He gave to us. Although, there are just some things in my life I enjoy/support/believe in that, whether on purpose or not, are made out to be contradictory.
A little about myself. I was raised Charismatic by a darling grandmother. The rest of my family was around, however, she laid the foundation for my love of church. My parents were split and I lived with my maternal family in a very conservative area. My dad and stepmom attended a Presbyterian church. From a very early age, I remember having thoughts and actions that were gender nonconforming. For reference, I am AMAB. These persisted and developed into crossdressing (mostly) in private. However, publicly I presented myself as very masculine (think redneck hipster). I didn’t/don’t mind that. This summer I’ve began to wrestle with the idea I’m genderfluid or something of the like. I really like the idea of femming up my expression especially since I go to college in a more accepting area. This is not to mention the fact that I’ve been seeing a girl who is trans as well. I would really like if she and I were to go steady as she is very awesome and cute. I would consider myself very heterosexual, by the way. I don’t know if that’s worth mentioning or not, haha.
Now it’s time for a wrench to be thrown in. That of my theology. Like I said Charismatic/Presbyterian background. Well, in high school, I began to become interested in the Eucharist communion we did, as well as the Apostle’s creed. I began looking into where the Presbyterian church originated, then on to general church history, then to the reformation. I began getting interested in saint’s intercession, on and off. Although it really culminated in college where now I attend a Latin Rite Catholic Church and have a nerdy obsession with Eastern Catholic/Orthodox liturgy. I attended one-on-one RCIA Meetings with my priest and everything. I am even involved with the college’s catholic group. They’re fine people I just don’t bring up things I feel strongly about. LGBTQ+ affirmation, Women’s right’s, and my view on economics being just a few.
I’m sure you can now see the issues at hand. I love the liturgy and history of the Catholic Church, transubstantiation, apostolic succession, as well as the general aesthetic and history of liturgical churches. However, as these churches are older and more prone to tradition they’re quite conservative in regards to their theology. Thus my dating a transgirl would be seen as a same-sex relationship as the Church doesn’t recognize the gender how much of society actually does. My possible, tentative to be explored soon, gender expression scoffed at as well. While I quietly cringe listening to people (whether on Catholicism or IRL) talk about communism, gay marriage, and contraception, in terms I don’t agree with.
My plan was too never allow my two worlds to meet. I would keep my conservative church away from my life elsewhere. I’m here only because I find the practices of liturgical churches to fit right with me. I’m all on board with the “Keys to the kingdom of heaven and Saint Peter” schtick. Not so much on papal infallibility, admittedly. I know the Anglican Communion/Episcopal Church are more affirming and modern. However, “con-“ instead of transubstantiation and the lack of valid Eucharist do keep me from calling myself Episcopalian/Anglican. I do, however, attend one often though. My ideal church would be a mix of the RCC and AngCom.
So I guess what I’m asking for is some advice. For one I’d like to know how I could subvert certain gender norms while attending church. I thought of wearing nail polish to Mass. Although I’m unsure how that will be received. As well as just some general support. It’ll be a hard sell to get me to jump churches as I do love where I am. However, that love isn’t blind to the mistakes the Church makes every day. I would love to hear your all’s suggestions for other Rites that may be more affirming, if one exists unbeknownst to me. Also the girl I am talking to is very aware of my being an ally (she knows not yet about my gender non-conformity) and strong proponent of social justice. However, it seems like she has a bad taste in her mouth when it comes to Christianity. I want to have a conversation with her about my theology and philosophy to let her know where I stand. I just really need some reassurance and some prayers as well please.
Tl;Dr; I’m caught in between loving a church who is, by design, very traditional and my gender being (maybe) not entirely male. Despite that same Church also championing a gender binary. I want to subvert it but don’t know how.
Sorry this was a long read but I felt the need to post this for a long time now. God bless you guys.
submitted by ViciousGrass to OpenChristian [link] [comments]


2020.08.06 14:33 banned-one I guess I'll do my coming out story

Mine is kind of complicated, from 12 to 18, I dated both girls and guys, and didn't think anything about it. I couldn't understand why I wanted a guy more than a girl, but I still liked girls so that meant I was straight. They guys were just something I did in between girls. But, I was straight. Then one day I was riding around with my boyfriend of 4 years, and we saw a really, really hot guy with no shirt mowing his yard. We were discussing how hot he was, and my bf said "If I didn't know better I would think we are gay". As soon as he said that, and I mean in the same breath my light bulb came on, and I said "I am". I had never heard the word bisexual, so I was either straight or gay, and I wasn't straight, so I had to be gay.
As quickly as I said I am, he said "take me home". So I took him home, I hated to lose him, but if that was his attitude, I had no use for him. A few weeks later I ran into one of our "mutual" friends, it was somebody he went to school with, that I had hung out with also. He told me that "Paul" had been telling everybody we knew that I was a faggot, his word. I was like "fuck him", but I'm not a vindictive person, so I let it go. Until I was shopping one day, and I came around the end of an aisle, and there stood Paul and his mother, and 6 of the people he went to school with. I walked up to him and said, "Bitch your calling me a faggot, you have sucked my dick and threw your legs for me to fuck you for 4 years, and you have the gaul to call me a faggot. Bitch you better look in the mirror." I turned to the guys there, who's mouths were either wide open, or they were laughing, and said "you better watch your dicks, because I know which one's of you he want to ride, one of you he even wants you to tie him up, but since I like y'all I won't say who any of you it is, just be careful around him" Turned around and walked off, they were just speechless.
I told a few friends, no body gave a shit, which is funny because I live in a very homophobic area of the south. Just a few years before this there was a thing where guys would visit the home of a suspected homosexual, and tell them to either leave town, or die.
Anyway, enough backstory, One Sunday I went to a family dinner with my extremely homophobic family. My brother is just a redneck (the bad kind), I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the KKK, which we do have a local group, his wife and kids, My sister, I won't say she's accepting, just not against if that makes sense, her husband and kids. Then my very religious parents, and the homophobia that comes with that. I've heard both of them make anti-gay remarks. So right as we finish eating (I wanted one last meal that my mom cooked, in case I was disowned, she was a damn good cook), I said " I'm gay please pass the peas". Just like it was nothing. My sister started laughing, and said "I told you so, I told you so.", my brother got up and left, I mean HE left, he left his wife and kids there. My mom and dad, just looked at me shocked as hell. So everybody else left the room, and my and my parents sat down, and I was ready for the worst. But, my dad, who I've never being close to, and always thought he hated me, the way he acted toward me, said "you are our child, and we will always love you, and accept you, but this ain't right, and you really need to think about this."
They told me a few day later they wanted me to go see a Christian psychologist. I figured if they were trying as hard as they were to accept things, I would work with them. But, I told him that he and mom had to go to the first meeting with me, he said ok. That meeting did not go they way I thought it would. We went in and explained the situation, the psychologist immediately said, "according to scientific research, people are born gay, and there is nothing they can do about it. Just like you can't change your eye color. We finished the session and never went back. However, that's all my parents needed to hear, they immediately became some of the strongest allies you could want.
I was required to bring my boyfriends to family get together's, and my brother was warned not to say anything. My bf was welcome to come by without me, mom would cook him something to eat, my dad would spend time with him doing stuff.
Then 2 years after I came out I finally heard the term bisexual, I heard if from a couple gay guys who were like "he says he's bi, that just means he's afraid to come out of the closet, this way he can just step back into being straight", and "bisexuals don't exist". So I spent the next 2 years thinking I was a gay man, but just like when I was "straight", I was dating guys and a few girls, I've always leaned more toward men than women. Then one of my lesbian friends came over, and brought her gf, who was bi, me and her sat and talked about being bi, and I was just like, that is me, no really that is me. So I changed over to bisexual, but still preferred the gay community to anything else. Especially with my extreme, vulgar, smartass, sarcastic sense of humor, straights just couldn't take it.
Then one day I met this incredibly annoying, completely anger inducing woman. That was in august, spent the next couple months not only hating her, but she hated me, and we both did everything we could to piss each other off. Well, it got to where She would make a hateful comment, and it was such good comment that I would start laughing and tell her it was a good comment. Or I would do something, and it was such a good attack, she had to laugh and tell me it was a good one. We got to having a lot of fun trying to piss each other off. First of January we went on a date, we were married by the end of may. That was 25 years ago, we are still happily married, I've raised her two boys, they actually told her one time that if we got divorced, they were staying with me. I was speechless, and that don't happen often. We've adopted another boy, he's 14, and he has autism. That's basically my life, including my coming out. Thanks for reading.
submitted by banned-one to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.08.02 21:17 VladVlad666 Want to use a fake ID? Don't wear your High Schools Jacket.

I just retired from my last job. I spent a few years working in a Liquor Store. MY state is one fo the few remaining where all Liquor Stores are State-run and we were all State Employees. The good news is better than average pay and benefits for retail. The bad news, if we sell to a minor or a person is already drunk or stoned, the agency has no liability, it all dumped on the cashier who can be arrested and charged as an accessory if someone was injured.
I'm fairly laid back and since I'd been to known to have a few drinks at 16, legal age at the moment is 21. Normally we look at the ID, check for modifications and verify the picture is the purchaser and go about the sale. If there are any questions our registers have the ability to scan the barcode on the back of a Drivers's License where it will print all the data and the purchaser has to sign it and the clerk also signs that they watched this person sign it. Then your butt is covered.
Friday night this girl comes in, I took one look at her and knew she was young, I'm thinking between 15 and 17. The heels and skin tight jeans were standard 'Uniform' for most of the young women that come in on the weekends. But the fact she had packed on the make-up in an effort look older, was a giveaway along with the 'baby fat' on her face that only really young kids have. But the biggest give away was the local High School Cheerleaders jacket she's wearing.
She grabs a half-gallon of cheap Vodka, struts up to the counter, and whips out her ID. I didn't even look at, I automatically scanned it, the machine verifies the data and prints out the info for me to verify that this description matches the person who is standing there.
I look at the data the LIcense has generated and I see two glaring problems, while the Date of Birth indicates she is 22 years old, and the picture match's her, it also lists her height as '50' feet tall and her color as 'ru' not blue. That indicates a counterfeit license, that I have to confitscate.
At this point I'm still amused, so I tell the girl that while I'm supposed to call the POlice, have her arrested, where she is taken to local Police station, held until her parents come to pick her up and pay a $500.00 fine; as well as loosing her driving privledges for 5 years. I'll let it slide with the loss of the license, and tell to 'run away'.
She responds by telling me that the license cost her $50.00 and how dare I confiscate it!
I remind her that the alternative is the Police, a $500.00 fine, loss of driving privileges, and to my mind, the worse of all would having Parents pick up their daughter at the Police Station.
She tried to argue her case some more, and look at her and said, "Internet, Chinese knockoff.?"
Her response, "Yea, but I got a deal on it."
Since it had errors that got it flagged should tell you that it was not a deal.
"Beat feet, or wait for the Police, your call." She left.
That should have been the end of the story, but know. The next night Saturday night we close at 9pm and I'm on the register and she returns with an older woman I assume was her mother. Same overdone makeup and skin-tight outfit. But this time she doesn;t try to buy anything. But the older lady with her buys a half-gallon bottle or Orange Vodka; pays and leaves with the girl following. No drama, great.
The day day, Sunday morning we open at 11 Am and I'm on with the General Manager, in comes another woman, spitting fire and breathing flames, who demands the manager. I point her into the office and I can hear every word and she goes off a tirade about her teenage daughter who told her parents she was going out getting drunk on Saturday night. Well after mid-night her daughter came stumbling in, drunk off her a*s, with the remains of a Half Gallon of Orange Vodka, the same brand I'd sold the older lady that the girl had come it with. The GM asked the woman is she had a picture of her daughter, which of course she did. He looked at called me over since her= knew I'd worked the night before, I said I recognized her and she came in last night, but being underage wasn;t allowed to buy anything and didn't try too.
The GM asked what time I saw her and I told him just before closing so she went to the security system and ran back to that time and there is the girl, standing in line behind the older woman who bought the Vodka. Seeing that the girl never touched the bottle, nor exchanged any money with the lady, there was simply no way we could refuse the sale. We have people come with toddlers and while it makes me cringe, some will let the toddler carry a bottle to the register to 'help'.
He informed the woman, that while her daughter did come into the store if she was alone she'd have ordered out at once since she is not of age to be there, but since she was under adult supervision, she couldn't be ordered to leave and didn't try to buy anything and she was with an adult, who purchased the Vodka. The lady then demanded a copy of the security video, which we are not allowed to give or show anyone other than Law Enforcement. The GM told her she had to go file a complaint with the Police. The funny part, while she wanted to go after; whoever got her daughter the Vodka, she did not want to involve the Police, because the Police might charge her daughter with underaged drinking.
At this point, both the GM and I are trying not to laugh; the lay ended up leaving shouting about how she was going to complain to our boss and get us fired for not sharing the security video with her!
In the words of the 'Rednecked Comedians', you can't fix stupid!
Its been over a year, and other than a call from an amused fellow the Headquarters of our Organization asking us to clarify what this 'nut job', their words, not ours was talking about, we explained and filed a report of the incident and have not heard a word since then.
I'd hate to tell the mother that if you want to take action against the person who bought your teenaged daughter Vodka to get drunk on, without involving Law Enforcement; you might want to take a look at your Parenting Skills as well.
submitted by VladVlad666 to EntitledTeens [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 12:12 RockoCharmichael In the Appalachian Hollow...

You know the feeling you get when something just isn’t right? That feeling of some unseen eye crawling over your body, making a shiver creep up your spine and goosebumps prickle on your arms…that feeling of dread as the primal, lizard voice screams in the back of your deepest thoughts “Danger! Danger! Proceed no further…”? Sure you know it. Everyone has experienced it a time or two. We’re trained from a young age that the monster in the closet isn’t real, that nothing is under our bed and the shadows on the walls are our minds playing tricks on us. Unlike hunger, or our need for oxygen, the “something’s off” feeling is one our species purposely dampens. We’re taught to seek out the logical reason, to assume we’re paranoid and laugh it off. The truth is, the feeling IS a survival instinct, and sometimes, something just ISN’T right.
The lizard voice was blaring, clawing at my brain as my car’s headlights sliced through the darkness and fell upon the weathered wooden sign. Faint, white letters read “Welcome to Cedar Hollow”. The planks of wood making up the sign were an ashy gray, and someone had clearly taken potshots at the unkempt monument. Yes, as we neared the roadside sign, overgrown with weeds and its foreboding letters, my lizard voice was begging. Alas, I’d been trained so well that I chalked my bad feeling up to the late hour and the fact that our GPS had lost signal miles before, not to mention our phones were useless with their own “no signal” messages. Good old Appalachia.
“That’s weird…” The bookish young woman riding shotgun uttered as she trailed her index finger along the accordion map.
“What is?” I asked keeping my eyes on the road.
“Cedar Hollow isn’t on the map…” She spoke, moving her index finger to the bridge of her nose where she pushed up her stylish glasses.
“Well baby, that map is newish…” I reasoned. “West Virginia isn’t like Florida. Hills and Valleys galore, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some places just get forgotten out here…”
Forgotten. Poor choice of words, as they did nothing to assuage my discomfort, and I could tell that Jordan’s unease was just as palpable as she folded the map and crossed her slender arms over her university sweatshirt. Perhaps her own lizard voice was hissing. I tossed a glance her way as we passed the ancient sign, autumn leaves billowing around our tires, fluttering down in the darkness behind us as we traversed the winding road.
“How you doing?” I asked her. She turned her eyes from the dense woods outside of the passenger window toward me. She truly was stunning in an unconventional way.
With one hand she pushed the shaggy, shoulder-length mahogany hair behind her ear, and looked nervously at me with amber eyes. She took a deep, wavering breath before speaking.
“My parents aren’t racist-” She started but was cut off by my sigh.
“C’mon Jord, you said you’d tell them-” I got out before the petite girl interrupted.
“I know, I did, and I tried Ben…I just don’t know how to bring it up.” She said, sounding sincerely apologetic.
“What’s wrong with, ‘Hey mom and dad, the guy supporting me through this tragedy and driving me all the way to Delaware…who I’ve been dating for the last year…happens to be black.’” I said, slyly grinning as I gave her a side-eyed look, my dorkiness apparently shining through as she cracked a smile.
“I really am sorry, Ben.” She said softly through her grin.
“All good baby, if they don’t like me, its whatever, as long as you do.” My words oozed cheese. “Besides we may not even make the funeral, I have no clue where we’re at.” I added. My bad news seemed insignificant compared to hers, so I was confident I would stay out of the doghouse.
The endless forest that surrounded us all but blocked out any light from the sky, and the moonbeams that did manage to cut through the foliage made the trees look skeletal…sinister. Even the pines looked like they were watching with an unnatural amount of glowing eyes as we traveled the barren road. Again, that primal voice did its best to reach me, but I told it that those weren't eyes, of course they weren't. Logic said that those pinholes of glowing light were nothing more than the moon peeking through the branches. Nothing more.
“Hey!” Jordan said, tearing me from my thoughts. “What is that?” She squinted behind her glasses and pressed a finger against the windshield.
“Some kind of sign, maybe?” I offered, looking at the blue glow in the sky that peered back at us through the branches.
“Oh my god! Can we stop? I have GOT to pee, and we should call Mom and Dad…let them know where we are.” Jordan spoke, a certain chirp of relief in her voice.
I suppose signs of society had brought down her stress level. Not mine. It was 2AM and we were deep in a West Virginia hollow…what business, out in the middle of nowhere, was open?
“Maybe you can finally tell them you’re bringing a black man to their nephew’s funeral?” I asked in a scolding tone.
“Suck it.” She returned, rolling her lovely eyes.
No further words were exchanged between us as we closed the distance to the glowing light. As the trees became less dense, their naked branches parted…the pole sign became clearer. A faint, white glow emanated from the sign, welcoming us with blue, cartoon letters to the small gas station between the road and tree line. It was literally the only building we’d seen for miles, and its very existence felt off.
“Gasser Up…” I read the marquee’s words and followed it with a long, exasperated sigh as I pulled the car next to the lone pump beneath the canopy connected to the small mart.
Jordan groaned at the hillbilly name of the service station before asking, “Are they open, you think?” with a bit more hesitance in her words. Her lizard voice must have been whispering.
“Light’s on inside…” I said, throwing the car into park and gesturing with my head toward the illuminated frosted glass door that read“WELCOME”. “…And look.” I finished by pointing to the only other vehicle in the modest parking lot.
It sat cater-cornered in a space to the right of the building’s entrance. A deep red sports car with tinted windows and a decal on the back reading “It’s a Way of Life” next to a graphic of a palm with the ring finger tucked under. “The Shocker”.
“Great…maybe Chad in the douche-mobile can give us directions to the nearest rave…” Jordan huffed.
“You can stay here if you want.” I offered as I opened my door. Cool, night air tickled the flesh of my neck, and the sounds of nature filled my ears…insects chirping, owls hooting... Then came the smell. Sulfury…burning…the vague hint of roadkill.
“Yeah…no thanks.” She said. Still, she didn’t move to open her door until I’d exited and crossed the vehicle and stood nearby.
That “off” feeling was in full force as I stood there waiting for my girlfriend. I felt watched, but not only that. I felt vulnerable, like an ant beneath a magnifying glass under the hot summer sun…I felt exposed. The light breeze surrounding me caused it to feel as if something were softly brushing against the left side of my face, and sound of breaking twigs and crunching leaves unsettled me. I wasted no time grabbing Jordan’s hand and leading her past the pump, toward the glowing doorway.
I had to force myself to keep my cool, to tell myself that I was just being paranoid, as we crossed the small parking lot hand in hand. There was something about our footfalls, the sound and feel like we were walking through something sticky, and more than once I’d glanced down to verify that the asphalt was simply that. In moments, we reached the lit door, the inside of the store obscured by the frosted glass. I placed my free hand on the handle, but before I could open it, Jordan spoke.
“Ben…this feels bad.” She whispered, squeezing my hand and shifting her weight between her feet.
I tried reassuring her with a smile, to tell her with my eyes that everything was okay, but the truth is that we were both feeling that discomfort, but moreover, I didn’t want to walk back to the car and drive further into the unknown without some semblance of a plan. Who knows how far we’d have to drive before another opportunity presented itself. It was my job as boyfriend to protect Jordan, and at the time I felt the best way to do that was to project a false bravado, to convey to her that I’d keep her safe.
I tugged on the door’s handle, and was actually a bit surprised when it opened with no resistance, a little jingle accompanying the motion. I stepped inside with Jordan following closely. The place looked…normal. Well, normal for Appalachian back woods. Drab, mustard-colored wallpaper lined the shop, and a couple of mounted buck heads flanked a stuffed bobcat above a door directly in front of us. The male and female stick figures adorning said door marked it as a unisex restroom. Jordan let out a relieved sigh and released my hand before pushing past me and making a beeline for the door. I couldn’t help snickering ad rolling my eyes as I watched the petite girl scurry, doing that dance where you’re on the verge of bursting. She disappeared into the room a second later, and I took a moment to observe the convenience store.
To my right I saw a small refrigerated cooler housing a variety of beverages, and between where I stood and the restroom was a couple of rows of products. Chips, candy, knickknacks…they made the small building feel cramped. Then there was the checkout counter to my immediate left, and the small cigarette display behind it. No one was manning it, and I took note of what appeared to be a tiny office behind the desk.
I took a few steps closer to the counter, and saw that sitting upon its surface was a silver bell. The kind you’d see at a hotel…god, it’s always awkward when you have to hit one of those things. You feel so, I don’t know…needy, I guess. I hesitated for a second before placing an open palm over the device, and giving the bell a soft slap. A sharp “DING!” reverberated through the small store, and I immediately pinched the metal bulb, silencing it. No sooner than I had done that, a soft shuffling noise emanated from the office.
“Hey, uh, sorry…do you guys have a phone? Like a house phone, maybe a payphone?” I asked before raising my hands and taking a step backward as the figure appeared in the doorway.
My brain felt as if it were short circuiting, trying to rationalize what I was seeing. Surely…surely the person had been in some kind of horrific accident, and my mother’s voice filled my head. “You shouldn’t stare Benjamin…you shouldn’t stare at people who look different…”, her words echoed through my brain, but god damned if I wasn’t doing just that. I scolded myself as the disfigured visage jerkily lurched from the office toward the register. No, no, I wasn’t being rude. My wide eyes were justified. There was no doubt that the thing I was seeing behind the counter wasn’t human.
“JORDAN!” I cried out in shock as the naked, sexless creature lumbered to a stop behind the register.
The thing craned its bald head upward and locked its electric blue eyes onto mine. Its breast slowly rose and sank as it hissed raspy breaths through a vacant smile. Thick strands of saliva hung from its unnaturally wrinkled skin, and dripped down its twisted, leathery visage. At first I thought it was lacking arms, but quickly realized that what I’d mistaken for breasts were its limbs…they were crossed across its chest like an unruly mental patient. The caveat was, that it wore no straightjacket. Its arms resided beneath its horrific dermis, and I could tell from its previous jerky, twitchy gait that something was very, very wrong with the thing.
“What the fuck, man…” I muttered anxiously before calling out again, “JORDAN!?”
There was no response from my girlfriend, but the pale, hairless, wrinkled thing began to cough. It hacked softly, its empty smile never faltering, its gaze never leaving my eyes. From its gullet flew a jet-black glob of phlegm, which landed with a splatter on the counter. The bile pulsated as it sat there, and I had to stifle a gag.
“Feed?” The thing spoke in a low, gravely voice. My heart was racing, and a cold sweat had formed on my brow.
“W-what…?” I sputtered.
“Feed.” The thing insisted. It then proceeded, in a swift motion, to ram its head onto the counter hard enough for a loud cracking sound to be heard even over the silver bell’s “ding”.
I flinched, and felt my stomach turn as the thing rose back up and I saw that the bell had lodged itself into one of the creature’s eyes, but even that didn’t dissuade the thing’s awful smile. Without hesitation it again smashed its face on the counter, setting off another “ding”, and I saw that the florescent lights above us were flickering.
I began screaming as the bashing, the dings, and flickering lights continued. The monster’s face was becoming more and more caved in as the beast rapidly mutilated itself before me. The same black substance it had coughed out sprayed from its cracked skull as the thing rapidly jerked its head up, and then back down. By the sixth round, it stopped, and the lights went out completely.
Thankfully, I wasn’t left in the dark with the crater-like face of the being. A soft, flickering orange glow danced across the walls, like the light of a campfire, but I saw no flame. I did, however, see that the place had changed significantly. The cigarette display behind the creature was smashed out and stripped of all products…likewise the knickknack displays were similarly raided, only rusty skeletons of the racks remained. The mustard colored wallpaper was faded, peeling, and wore an abundant amount of graffiti tags. There were several juvenile phrases covering the walls, but one repeated set of words stood out, as it was much larger and scrawled in frantic, black letters. “Beware Valmardu…”
A muffled yelping came from behind me as the oily substance began to pour from the creatures shattered face like a faucet. I whipped around and saw that the refrigerator behind me no longer held beverages, but a blood stained, wriggling burlap bag which hung suspended behind the glass. My initial thought was that it was a puppy squirming and whimpering inside. The bag could hold a small dog, and the panicked movements against the fabric could easily have belonged to four limbs. Whatever it was, it was in enormous pain, and instinctively I wanted to help, but that thought was quickly dispelled when I heard the restroom door clatter against the back wall.
“BEN!” Jordan shouted as she struggled to pull her jeans over her thighs without stopping her run.
She nearly fell, but managed to keep her footing as she bounded over one of the deer heads that had decorated the wall, now residing on the floor. She was a few feet from me when she got her pants up and was prepared to dive into my open arms when she saw the horrible creature standing stoically behind the counter. A shrill screech escaped her as she skidded to a stop, and I saw that her legs were wobbly. That wasn’t all, either. Blood was streaked across her cheeks, mouth, and chin; and her pants and the hem of her sweatshirt were damp with the oil-like substance. Her wide, terrified eyes immediately began to sob.
“We gotta go baby, c’mon!” I said, stepping toward her and grasping her hand. I turned us to face the frosted glass of the entrance door, and practically dragged her toward it.
The bloody bag cried out another volley of whimpers as we crossed the coolers, drawing a yelp from Jordan and sending a jolt through me.
“What’s in there Ben?!” Jordan shouted through her tears.
I didn’t answer. Instead I snaked my fingers around the door’s handle and jerked it open. The little jingle of its bell rang out, and seemed to signal something, for as soon as the sound filled my ears, an eerie, staticky voice began to come from Craterface’s gullet, unimpeded by the inky crude pouring from its gaping hole.
“Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace. These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery...” Craterface croaked out, its words sounding as if they were being produced by an antique TV rather than a monstrosity.
What struck me the most, though, was that I recognized the voice. That jowly mix of nasally and deep... I’m a bit of a history buff, and Nixon’s voice was easily placed. The speech, however, was not. In fact, it made no sense at all. I threw a glance over my shoulder. Beyond the wet, wide eyes of my girlfriend, I saw the rapidly expanding pool of murky black liquid had poured over the counter’s edge, and as it continued to grow there on the floor, I could make out the head and arms of a new figure, forming in the crude, reaching upward, seeming to pull itself from the pool. A jet-black being, with no defining features, I could hardly stand to look at the thing as it clawed at the air. I turned, and pulled Jordan through the open door, turned again and yanked the door closed behind us. As soon as it shut, the frosted glass went dark, the fiery hue dying immediately, leaving us in only the faint light of the moon high above.
“Ben…” I heard Jordan whimper softly as I felt her release my hand.
As soon as I turned away from the horrible building, I saw why. She’d brought both hands to her blood-smeared mouth to stifle her cries. The parking lot was coated in a sticky layer of blood, the crimson substance glimmering in the moonlight. I saw that the marquee, the sign that had beckoned us like a bug-zapper was no longer lit. In fact, it was in a state of disrepair, cracked, pieces broken free of the plastic dome, which itself was stained yellow. Following the rusted post with my eyes, I saw that its base was overgrown with flora. Most upsetting, though, was the weathered skeleton wearing tattered clothes that swayed in the light breeze, held up by the noose hanging from the damaged sign.
The red sports car parked near us showed signs of rapid aging too, taking on a more pink tone between the rust spots that spattered its body. The tires were torn, and windows smashed out, but my eyes were drawn to the open driver door, where a trail of blood led from the seat all the way through the parking lot, where it stopped abruptly below another hanging figure affixed to the canopy just beyond the ruined gas pump. It was less rotted, maintaining a few sprigs of hair, and some patches of skin on the skull. It also wore a red jacket emblazoned with the sports car’s logo. I shivered when I realized that the body of the man was swaying quite near my car, and remembered the horrible way my face had felt something brush by as I looked at the man’s only remaining leg, the foot of which dangled exactly where I’d stood as I waited for Jordan to exit our vehicle. The skin of my face crawled, but the horror was far from over.
I could see that the tires on my own vehicle had been shredded. The hood stood open, as did the passenger door. There, sitting in my car with his legs hanging out, was a thin man. He wore an old pair of overalls, and nothing else, save for an old, dirty bandana holding his greasy hair back. A wispy, patchy beard covered his cheeks. He was using a large hunting knife to pick at his fingernails while he stared at us. Well, one of his eyes stared at us…the other wandered, looking up and outward.
“What do you think, Maggie, food... or string ‘em up?” I heard him say in the thickest country accent one could imagine. His sinister smile revealed that most of his crooked teeth had rotted away.
“Mama’s gettin’ tired of squirrel…” Another voice chimed in from our right. The accent was just as thick, but with a noticeable impediment. I jerked my head in the direction of the new sound while Jordan continued to sob. My eyes caught the silhouette of a stick-thin woman rounding the side of the convenience store. She carried with her a long-handled axe, which she allowed to drag across the asphalt as she slowly stepped toward us. The sound of the steel axe-head scraping against the blacktop was chilling. “…Baby might not like dark meat though.” She finished with a light giggle. As she stepped closer, the moonlight illuminated her face, and I saw that she had a cleft lip and palate that rose into her left nostril, leaving half of her nose nothing more than a black hole. Suddenly, the odd speech pattern made sense.
I put myself between the approaching woman and my hysterical girlfriend, raised my hands in a nonthreatening way, and foolishly tried to reason with the hillbillies. “Listen to me, there is something in this store, and we have to go right now. We all need to get away from here…” I spoke calmly, fully aware that the duo meant to do us harm, but prayed my words might reach them on a human level.
“Now listen here, boy, ‘round these parts your kind don’t speak to our women!” The man in my car spat as he stood, extending his arm and pointing his knife at me. “Get ‘em, Cliff!” He finished.
Suddenly, a third member of the posse made themselves known. The man called Cliff had apparently been perched on the roof of the small building, as he came down on my back like a wild animal pouncing its prey, knocking Jordan to the ground. I, too, was forced to the ground under the man’s weight, my face connecting with the bloody asphalt, scraping my flesh and sending my head swirling. I fought to maintain consciousness as my eyes rolled and my head swam. I focused on Jordan’s hysteric screaming, and begged any god that would listen for help. In my confusion I barely registered the fact that I was being dragged. All sound began to fade, and then blackness.
I couldn’t have been out long. When I came to I was laying on my back staring up at the swaying man in the red jacket, my hands bound with rope in front of me. I heard Jordan screaming and noticed the second rope being lowered through the canopy above. My rope.
“Wakey wakey…” Said the man who’d been sitting in my car as he poked his head into view. I could smell his putrid breath as he spoke. “…We’re having ourselves a good ole lynchin’.” He finished with a wry smile before yanking me into a sitting position.
“That good, Bubba?” A man called down from the canopy. I reasoned that it had to be Cliff.
“Little bit lower…” My captor called back up, and I saw the noose drop another foot. “There ya go!”
It was then that I saw Jordan. She’d been forced to her knees as well, held in place by the wooden axe handle pressed against her throat. Her hands were also bound, and I saw that her glasses were no longer on her face. Her terrified expression along with the blood across her lower face gave her such a ghastly look. I could hear her gasps and whimpers, and hated myself for being so powerless. Then something clicked in my head that made everything so much worse. “…food, or string ‘em up…” Bubba had asked. I only saw one noose…
“You taking your trophy this time, Maggie?” Bubba called to the deformed girl holding Jordan hostage. “They say his kind have big ones…” He added.
“Guess we’ll find out.” Maggie spoke gleefully, eyeing my crotch.
Just beyond her I saw that Cliff was scaling down the canopy’s outside post with ease. He seemed more than adept at climbing, and made it to the ground quickly. Something about his movements seemed spider-like. The noose swayed inches from my face, and Cliff held the slack end of the rope. I watched as Bubba crossed the small gap to Jordan, handing his knife to Maggie and taking her place as Jordan’s captor. He knelt beside my girlfriend and ran his vile tongue up her cheek, apparently not put off by the blood.
“You’re gonna be delicious, and after, I’m gonna have fun with what’s left.” I heard him mutter as he groped Jordan’s breast before standing again, axe handle returning to her throat. “But first, lets watch.”
Maggie was approaching me in some weird stride that was a hybrid of seductive and lanky. She playfully waggled the knife in front of her malformed face. “Don’t worry, you wont have to live without it for long…” She uttered as she knelt before me, and trailed the knife along my inner thigh.
In an instant, the parking lot was flooded by a bright, blinding light. My eyes reflexively squeezed shut, as I was in the direct path of the powerful beam. A thunderous “BOOM” ripped through the air, and I forced my eyes to open a hair. I saw that Maggie had stood, and her back was to me. Beyond her I saw the silhouette of my kneeling girlfriend, and above her I watched as the the outline of Bubba, sans head, limply fell to the ground. Jordan began to scream as the axe clattered on the asphalt in front of her.
“Bubba!” Maggie’s own scream joined the symphony. “You killed him!” She yelled out aggressively.
“Jordan, run!” I shouted, climbing to my feet and and knocking Maggie to the ground as I pushed past her.
“Motherfucker!” I heard the downed girl mutter as I stumbled around in the bright light.
Thankfully, the more powerful beam suddenly vanished, and I was able to see much better after a second. The two headlight beams that illuminated the parking lot were much more tolerable, and I saw that Jordan was quivering, but had managed to get to her feet as well.
“They’re coming with me.” A voice, an authoritative one, boomed. I saw the figure standing next to the new car. A massive man, easily seven feet tall, and built like a mountain.
Pieces started to fall into place. The huge man’s tan outfit…his trooper hat and the shiny brass badge on his chest…the dome on top of his cruiser. A wave of relief washed over me.
“Jordan, he’s a cop!” I shouted to my girlfriend as I neared her. She seemed to not comprehend my words, though, panic in her amber eyes. I reached her, and using my roped hands, urged her toward the gigantic man. She didn’t fight me, and wordlessly followed my suggestion. The cop never took his eyes…or his gun…off of the rednecks. Even as he opened the back door of his cruiser.
“Get in.” He told us flatly, and we did, without hesitation. He closed the door behind us, and I frantically began trying to untie Jordan’s binds.
“Mama needs to eat!” I heard Maggie shout viciously at the cop while Cliff helped her to her feet.
“Plenty of food right there.” The cop shot back, jerking his head toward the decapitated body of Bubba. “I’ve told you people to stay out of Valmardu’s way. Starving aint a bad way to go.” He added sternly as he climbed into his drive’s seat.
His weight caused the left portion of the car to sink noticeably. He tossed the enormous cannon nonchalantly in the passenger seat, and threw the car into reverse. As we backed away, I saw the remaining two hicks glaring at us fiercely. Maggie, who had retrieved her axe, held the weapon out threateningly. The officer continued his backwards drive as I freed Jordan’s hands, and she began working on my binds. He then flipped the car’s orientation with an abrupt U-turn, stomped on the gas, and suddenly, the cruiser began speeding into the darkness.
“Welcome to Cedar Hollow.” He said without looking back at us.
submitted by RockoCharmichael to RockosRoom [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 11:54 27JJuldacket Play No Games Da-ting Si-te

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